Before recent times, I cannot remember a time when I was single and alone. I mean alone like no dating and no male phone calls other than platonic friendships. There was always someone. Either I was married or dating. Sometimes I went on dates with men even if I knew there was no future because I could not handle that feeling of being alone. I stayed in relationships longer than I should have and entertained people I should have not entertained all for the sake of company.

Have you ever tracked yourself? It's a question I heard a while ago. Hearing it I think, “I’m always with myself.” Why do I need to track me? C’mon, really, me? Who knows me better than me? Funny how God works because now I’m in a season where that question has become a journey about discovering who I am. I noticed I actually couldn’t answer the tracking question. I had no depth to who I was. And yet, at the same time, I had many answers but none felt right. No one answer really gave a full definition, it only defined a part of me.

Biological or chosen, nothing can truly prepare you for the miracle of being a mother. Years of dreaming or nine months of planning still leaves much to learn. Children are life and growth goes beyond the womb to deep within the soul of a woman. For me, the dreams were vivid with names chosen and so much more. For a decade, my husband and I laughed and cried over parenthood. We would laugh knowing what we would be in for with little versions of ourselves. Then, year after year, with no children we would cry waterfalls wondering why we were not worthy of such a miracle. Hope was lost in the body of water connected to the falls followed by a deep pain that suppressed our dreaming. A pain that at its core was caused by an absence of unwavering faith because as we believe today, His timing and plans are perfect.

As I sat on my bed I propped open my journal with my pen in hand ready to write. I could hear the rain hitting the windows and an occasional thunderous roar that would slightly shake the room. Even though it was the middle of the day, the dark clouds hid any hint of sunshine. The reality is, this can be your typical summer day in Florida and I enjoy the summer storms as long as I am not in it myself. But, I was safe within the walls of my home tucked away in my bedroom alone. However, there was another storm brewing, but this one was much different. This storm was found within.

Deep down, I believe I had to convince myself to accept the world's facts over my life so I wouldn't be let down when God's word didn't come through. Writing that last statement sounds so ridiculous now. "When has God not fulfilled His promises?" I let the world's timing tell me I had run out of time for God's truth to prevail in my life because His word had not come forth when the world said it should.

Can you believe we’re done with the first quarter of 2021? I mean, let's be real - 2020 was a year for the history books. I can only think about the meaning of “Alpha and Omega''. The beginning and the end. We had a year that no one could imagine coming. This was the year in which many clung to the word of GOD (Psalm 91).

Life is an exciting, and at times, scary roller coaster of defining moments.  Some moments take us days, if not years, to recognize and others, we are blessed to intimately know upon impact. Some moments we meet with resistance and others we welcome like oxygen. For me, a defining moment welcomed like oxygen, was the day my husband led me to Crossover Church where I found forgiveness and began a relationship with God. 

Have you ever wondered how some people can be so indebted to their relationship with Christ silently questioning why and how their every move is connected to someone they’ve never seen? Or have you ever been at a church and heard someone cry out so loudly in an unknown language while another person backflipped down the aisle? Okay, maybe it’s just me who has experienced the backflipping, but I’m sure you can relate to my thinking “does it really take all of that to show God your love for Him?” As a pastor’s kid (P.K.) who grew up in a variety of church environments, those were my thoughts.

Everyday the updates change. Yesterday we were on pause waiting to see if the Mayor was going to issue a Stay At Home order (…holding breath…). By the evening the Governor rejected it and the City officials said there is no need. (Ok…. Release your breath…breathe)

This morning’s Headline News read, “Mayor is fighting for the Stay At Home order again!”

No wait, Hold your breath again…

I know you’ve probably heard the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As a matter of fact, you may have said it as a child, but then you grew up to find out that you have been deceiving yourself. Words do hurt. A lot. And whoever made that up, well, they didn’t know what they were talking about, to put it mildly…