When Milestones Speak

By Pastor Lucy Kyllonen

My Pastor husband and I are in a season of milestones—significant markers of God’s goodness that make you stop, breathe, and really take it in. We just celebrated 25 years of Flavor Fest, our Urban Leadership Conference.

Why is that a big deal?
Because most ministry experts agree: the average lifespan of a church conference is only 7–12 years. After that, most events either evolve, rebrand, merge, or shut down altogether. Flavor Fest hitting 25 years places it in rare territory—a legacy category. Only a tiny fraction of conferences ever reach that kind of longevity. And that’s not lost on us.

But the milestones don’t stop there. In just a few short months, we’ll be celebrating 30 years of ministry—and 30 years of marriage.

That combination? Almost unheard of.

If I’m honest… I’m humbled and intrigued. How did we do it? How did we get here? This reflection isn’t just for me—it’s to help others see what’s possible in their own legacy-building journey. So let me share both the facts and the experiences that shaped us.

The Reality of Pastoral Longevity

Only a small percentage of pastors remain at their church for more than 20 years.

• Fewer than 10% stay at the same church for two decades.

• A 30-year tenure places you in the top 1–2% in the nation.

Why are pastoral tenures so short?

• Congregational conflict

• Burnout

• Leadership transitions

• Calling shifts

• Financial strain

• Family pressure

• Unrealistic expectations

• Organizational change

Staying 30 years in one church is not normal—it’s supernatural endurance.

Longevity in leadership isn’t built on ease; it’s built on calling, character, and consistency. Leadership longevity is forged in the hidden places—in the prayers no one hears, the sacrifices no one sees, and the decisions that stretch your faith more than your comfort.

The Reality of Marriage—Especially in Ministry

General U.S. Stats:

• Average marriage length: 8.2 years

• 40–45% end in divorce

Ministry marriages—though slightly more resilient—are still under tremendous pressure.

Pastoral Marriages:

• Divorce rate: 20–25%

• Satisfaction drops in seasons of burnout or conflict

Common stressors:

• Long hours

• Emotional weight of shepherding

• Public expectations

• Crisis-care fatigue

• Blurred work–life boundaries

• Constant scrutiny

• Spiritual exhaustion

A pastoral couple staying married and actively serving together for three decades is extremely rare—well under 5%.

And yet… God sustained us.

We didn’t survive these 30 years because we are strong. We survived because God is faithful. Every season, every storm, every chapter has His fingerprints all over it.

So this is my testimony—God’s grace stitched through the years!

Reflecting on the Why

I’m not tooting my own horn.
I’m reflecting on the significance of these moments.

I don’t know why the Lord chose us specifically. He took two opposites—different temperaments, different backgrounds—and united us with one vision, one heart, and one mission. He called us to remain steadfast at Crossover Church despite the odds, the challenges, and the temptation to go elsewhere in the beginning.

Two people who shouldn’t have fit together on paper somehow fit perfectly in purpose. Only God can write a story like that!

So how did we make it?

1. Divorce was never an option—marriage or ministry.

We made a covenant to God first, then to each other. That meant we had to fight for our marriage, not in our marriage. We learned early that unity isn’t automatic—it’s protected, nurtured, and fought for.

Being on the same team didn’t mean we always agreed. We had disagreements, differences of opinion, and moments where we didn’t see eye to eye. But those moments never defined us.

Our differences didn’t equal betrayal, abandonment, or rejection.
They simply meant we were human.

And in our humanity—fear, doubt, frustration, insecurity—none of those emotions were allowed to make our decisions for us.

We kept choosing each other.
We kept choosing God’s assignment.
We kept choosing the marriage and the mission.

Unity isn’t the absence of differences—it’s the decision to stay committed in the middle of them.

2. We embraced teamwork like a championship team.

Healthy teams don’t win because every player is the same—they win because each player knows their role and respects the other’s.

Over the years, we learned each other’s strengths and weaknesses, leadership styles, emotional patterns, and capacity. We learned when to pass the ball, when to run interference, and when to carry the weight for the other.

Great teams know how to:

• Pivot when the play changes

• Adjust when the pressure is high

• Support each other through injury, fatigue, and setbacks

• Celebrate every victory—big or small

That’s been our rhythm.

Whether it was raising kids, leading a church, starting ministries, launching conferences, or managing crises—we played as one.

We weren’t perfect, but we were united.
We weren’t always strong at the same time, but we covered each other.

And like any championship team, we learned to communicate, recalibrate, and aim for the same goal—even when the playbook had to change.

Marriage and ministry thrive not on perfection, but on partnership.

3. We planted ourselves—fully.

When God called us to Tampa, it wasn’t glamorous, predictable, or easy.

We didn’t treat ministry like a stepping stone, a temporary assignment, or a launching pad for something “bigger.” We treated it like soil—ground to be cultivated, tended, and trusted.

Planting yourself means:

• Staying when the honeymoon phase ends

• Loving people through their mess

• Showing up when it’s inconvenient

• Serving when you feel unseen

• Remaining faithful long enough to see fruit grow

We made the decision early: Our roots would go deep, not wide. And those roots held us through transitions, challenges, losses, disappointments, and unexpected miracles.

We’ve climbed mountains.
We’ve walked through valleys.
We’ve stood in storms and celebrated in sunrises.

But we stayed.
Not because it was easy—but because God planted us here.

When God plants you, staying planted becomes an act of worship, not obligation.

4. Obedience became our lifestyle.

From the outside, people often assume longevity is about giftedness or grit.

But the truth? Longevity is about obedience.

Obedience isn’t glamorous.
Obedience isn’t applauded.
Obedience isn’t always understood—not by friends, not by family, not even by fellow believers.

Obedience requires the quiet kind of courage—the kind you only get from walking with God long enough to trust His character over your circumstances.

We obeyed when it cost us comfort.
We obeyed when it cost us relationships.
We obeyed when it didn’t make sense on paper.
We obeyed when the path in front of us wasn’t clear.

And every time obedience felt like loss, God turned it into foundation.

Obedience rarely feels convenient, but it always produces spiritual longevity.

By Faith — Our Story

Hebrews 11 reminds us what faith really looks like:

• By faith Noah built an ark for something he’d never seen.

• By faith Abraham obeyed—without knowing where he was going.

• By faith Moses’ parents protected him, sensing God’s purpose.

• By faith the Israelites walked through the Red Sea.

By faith, we have trusted God’s Word. Period.
Not politics.
Not opinions.
Not people-pleasing.
Not comfort.

We trusted God through the storms. Through the miscarriage. Through the financial pressures. Through the pandemic. Through the rising cost of living. Through the unknowns, the transitions, and the moments that could have broken us—but didn’t.

Because faith isn’t proven on the mountaintops. Faith is proven in the fire.

We’ve learned that faith that’s never tested is faith that never matures. And the faith we have today was forged in places we didn’t expect to survive—but did.

Here’s the crazy part… I never planned this life for myself. I pictured a business degree, a Manhattan office, and a view from the 30th floor. This city girl thought she’d always stay in the city. Now I’ve got land, a dog, cats, and chickens!

But God redirected my steps—and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Your calling won’t always match your plans, but it will always reveal God’s purpose.

Your Turn

What about you?
Where are you struggling to obey God?
Where are you hesitating to trust Him?

If you take one step of faith today—just one—what might God do with it?

Milestones remind us of what God has done, but they also whisper of what God will do. If He’s been faithful for 30 years, He will be faithful for the next 30.

And the same God writing our story is writing yours.

So take the step.
Say the “yes.”
Plant the seed.
Trust the process.

Your next milestone may be closer than you think.